The Pikachu Report
by blind2d
Summary: Ash and Pikachu have a really strange and hilarious interview! This was co-written by my younger sister "Ash's stuff" , who I love with all my heart.


_The scene opens on a dimly lit room, two chairs are under spotlights. The interviewer's voice appears to come from out of nowhere._

_So tell us your names and how you came to be here today._

P: Pi-KAchu!

A: I'm, uh… **cough, cough** Ash Ketchum, Pokémon trainer.

P: (rolling eyes) Pi_ka…_

A: Okay, I'm really Scott Worcestershire. I just PLAY Ash in the show, but for all intents and purposes… **flips hair.** I'm, uh… **cough, cough** Ash Ketchum, Pokémon trainer.

P: Pika, Pi, Pika, Pikachu…

_Hey, you know what? I think I'll just have Pikachu here talk into this special microphone that automatically translates whatever he says in Pokémon language, into English! _(Hands mic to the electric mouse)

P: Wow, this is great!

A: It's kind of freaking me out… You know, just a little…

P: Well I like it! Anyway, my name is Pikachu, and Ash doesn't know it…I mean, yes he does… I'm sorry, but this microphone thing is sorta weirdin' me out, too…

So share with us some interesting things you've had to go through when you guys were filming!

A: If you leave us alone, strange, all-powerful voice! **Stands up** Who are you anyway, stalker! (To Pikachu) This is that guy that follows us around all the time narrating whatever happens to us!

P: Yeah, I didn't know he could conduct interviews too! **Looks around **So…uh, what should we tell him?

A: Up yours?

P: Ash! I thought your mother raised you better than that! Frankly, I am appalled! What?

_Yeah!_

Mom: **from kitchen** Up yours!

A: (eyes look like "well?")

P: Oh! Let's tell him about the time when Charmander was smoking pot!

A: Pikachu! That's private information! (Whispers) Let's reminisce AFTER we ditch the voice!

P: But how can we, Ash? He follows us everywhere!

A: (holds up finger to indicate "wait". Grabs phone and calls manager) Hey, Mr. Satoshi! Yeah, we're having a problem with a certain, um, voice? Mm hm… Mmhm… Thanks! Bye!

Hey, let go! What are you doing? No, not the Eevee! Not the Eeveeeeeeeeeee………

P: Well that was easy! Now we can just divulge our most secret of secrets in print!

A: My mom?

P: Oh, well, I guess she's heard it all before so… Do you want to start?

A: Sure… (Light dims, cheery fire to the side) Well, you see… working on Pokémon wasn't easy.

P: Hey, what's going on with the fire and the lights? Is it movie magic?

A: There were many obstacles, rumors about unfair treatment to the cast, and other bad publicity…

P: Like the time Charmander was smoking pot!

A: I'm getting to that!!! Anyway… (Glares at Pikachu) We think we know why Charmander evolved so suddenly in that Exeggutor episode. There were rumors at that time that Charmander and-

P: Did you know that we've made over one THOUSAND episodes now? It's amazing! How do we do it?

A: SHUT UP! Charmander was really shy around the humans working on the show. Sometimes we would find him in his trailer all alone, smoking…

P: Pot!

A: Marijuana.

P: Or, as some would call it, pot! Anyway, I know the real story here because I'm the one who actually _talked_ to him, unlike you so-called "actors". He kept telling me how the show made him uncomfortable, and that he was considering leaving in search of better things.

A: I thought there was something about blackmail, and one day, Charmander just didn't show up, so we had to get one of our cameramen, who was a Charmeleon, to take his place.

P: Yeah, that happened too… But the main thing was when Charmander was smoking pot right before shooting of the Exeggutor episode, and I walk in to tell him that we need to go in twenty minutes, and he's sitting there with a joint! And I go "We have to go on in 20 minutes!", and he's like, "Want a hit?" and I'm like, "20 Minutes!" So he goes to take a shower, which is really stupid for a Fire-type because of that stupid flame on his tail, so I had to drag him out before he killed himself! It was nuts!

A: Whoa. Hey, you wanna know something? You know how Brock is always the one who goes for the girls?

P: Yeah, he's always like, "Marry me!" on the show, but in real life…

A: In real life, as I was SAYing… he is the shyest guy! We go to the mall, and he's like, "Hey, Scott! See that girl over there? She's so hot!" And I'm like, "Go talk to her" and he's all, "I can't do that!" You see… (Raises eyebrows and smiles smugly) I'm the one who gets the chicks. I've gone out with five Jenny's and three Joy's.

P: You liar!

A: It's true! Joy's came first. I went out with this one from Saffron City and when she broke up with me, I started going out with another. They caught on to what I was doing, going out with the "same person" I just broke up with, and that was the end.

P: So then you started on the Jenny's, right?

A: No, they came on to me! You underestimate my charm, oh dear little cute thing!

P: Yeah, yeah…sure, whatever…

A: So that's my love-story! I bet you can't say as much, Oh Adorable Mouse with Electric Cheeks!

P: Actually…I can. But that's a story for another time. (At this, Ash mumbled, "yeah, I bet") Oh! Why not tell the good people who you thought was the best _human_ actor on the show?

A: Do you mean best to work with, or best actor?

P: Um, best to work with.

A: I would have to say…Brock.

P: Why?

A: You sound like a computer.

P: *groans*

A: Anyway, just 'cuz, y'know, he's fun, and shy, and really easy to talk to, especially about girls, because he can't talk to them, just about them.

P: What about Misty?

A: Horrible. She's just horrendous. I hated working with her!

P: What was the wrong with her?

A: She was an obnoxious, conceited little brat! Plus, she had this stupid thing going on where she thought I liked her, and she's like "I don't like you," I mean like every day. She's all "I don't like you, I don't like you, I don't like you," so annoying.

P: Really? I never sensed that. Was all this somehow hidden from me?

A: Yeah, she would um, secretly come into my trailer at night, say "I don't like you," and leave.

P: That's just weird.

A: I know, right? So what about you? Who was your favorite partner in crime in the Pokémon sense of the word?

P: You mean like, who I got along with the most or who I had an intimate relationship with, or what?

A: I like it when I hear a word like intimate, so just go with that one!

P: Okay…Um, where do I begin?

A: With your very first affair! Was that with Togepi? Or MANkee? (Raises eyebrows up and down)

P: You sir, are a very sick person.

A: No. I'll be a very well person, thanks.

P: You disgust me. I never had any sort of "intimacy" with either of those guys!

A: That's not what they told me last year…

P: Who? What? When?

A: YOU know…

P: Whatever. Anyway, my first kiss… (Ash goes "awww") Should I tell you about that? I mean, it's kind of personal…

A: Hey, you can tell me anything. I'm your best buddy! Except for that time I tried to feed you to a Torchic, but that's all behind us now.

P: Maybe for you! So my first kiss… That was probably Jigglypuff. (Ash laughs heartily) What? She's sexy! Anyway, yeah, we broke up after about a year.

A: How did you keep from falling asleep? I mean, obviously, someone would get mad at you for falling asleep on a date.

P: You're kidding, right? I mean, it's not like Jigglypuff have to sing all the time, just when they feel like it!

A: Oh, and she didn't feel like it? That must have been a shallow relationship!

P: Huh? Are you making with the human nonsense again?

A: Maybe I am. (Eyebrows)

P: Whatever. Now I'm going out with… who am I going out with? I forgot! Do you remember, Ash?

A: As a matter of fact I do. Feraligatr!

P: Now you're just making fun of me!

A: Uh huh. No, but really, you should keep track of that kind of important detail. Maybe it was an Absol?

P: Of course not! Geez! I used to be going out with a Clefairy, but now I'm involved with a Pachirisu. Happy now?

A: Yes, I'm laughing.

P: Grrr…

A: CLEFAIRY!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

P: GRRRR…

A: You just- and then you- and I- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

P: Pikaaa- CHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Ash is shocked, by a Thunderbolt attack, it would seem)

A: Whoa. I forgot you could do that!

P: Yeah, me too. It's been so long…

A: Sad…

P: Are we going to get back on topic anytime soon?

A: _Who_ wants a ice cream sundae?

P: Um, I guess you're still suffering from the Thunderbolt, huh?

A: No, I like the park. It's pretty. Enough…

P: Are you feeling okay, Scott?

A: You see the hat? I am MRS. Ash-bit! Wahahauhauhu!

P: Let's postpone this interview until Ash here has had some medical treatment…

A: So how's it going with you and Pachirisu, Pik-chan?

P: Don't call me "Pik-chan."

A: It's your life, choo-choo train!

P: You wanna get shocked again?

A: Only if I'm going into cardiac arrest, thank you very much.

P: I don't remember you being such a smart-#$%$ on the show.

A: That's not how you spell it! I think it's more like "#&!"

P: **groans** Anyway, Pachirisu is great. She seems to know what I'm thinking all the time, and we have long, personal conversations frequently.

A: Wouldn't that be kind of… freaky?

P: What?

A: Her knowing what you're thinking… all the time….

P: NO! No, it's like when people are really close… Forget it.

A: That's all right; at least you haven't gotten too far with it or anything… Have you? (Eyebrows)

P: What's that supposed to mean?

A: Aw, forget it. So now what?

P: What do you mean, now what? We continue the interview, of course!

A: Oh.

P: So let's talk about… gym battles.

A: Ow, those hurt! Especially when you're up against one of those bench-presser guys who lift, like, three hundred pounds in one sitting!

P: Wisenheimer!

A: Isn't that a beer company?

P: You shouldn't be drinking at your age!

A: Look who's talking! Mr. Eisenhower!

P: WHAT?! AhhhhhHHHHHHHAAAAAA! That's it. IRON TAIL!

A: Hey, that's not fair! You can't give yourself orders! COWARD FLAIL! (Ash retreats in terror, swinging his arms and screaming in a high-pitched tone).

A: (sitting on porch, cradling broken arm) So.

P: (sitting solemnly next to him) So yourself.

A: You sew _your_self!

P: Shut up. Now let's get back on topic.

A: I will not shut up! I've seen those…those…sweaters! You _do _sew!...Yourself!

P: You call this "on topic?"

A: It's the last thing we were talking about, right?

P: *growls*

A: Sorry, I'm a bit attention defici-…defish….defy…deficient.

P: Just tell about the badges….

A: Well, the badges were really cardboard… and when I found that out, I was very perturbed. I felt then that I would never be able to earn a real badge…because of the show. I couldn't leave it behind!... To go get some shiny metal things that stick on your shirt. Then someone told me that badges really _were_ made of cardboard! I was very grateful. (long pause)

P: Okaaaaaay… That's grea-.

A: And _then_ I was informed that it didn't count because it was just a TV show and the battles were framed… or whatever.

P: (pause) Yeah, so, moving on…

A: Tissue paper!

P: Y'know, sometimes I get the feeling that you're not in the right frame of mind for interviewing…

A: When was the last time you used a tissue made out of tissue paper? I mean seriously!

P: Are you awake?

A: "I" before "e", except after "c"!

P: Yeah, you're just rambling now, aren't you?

A: "Deficient" doesn't follow that rule!

P: Very enlightening. (rolls eyes) Now about the show…

A: It's a criminal! Who has no sense… of the law…

P: Great! We get it!

A: That's not great! Officer Jenny! Officer Jenny! Arrest that word!

P: Where did the real Ash go?

A: Right here! Sorry… I'm a little sleep-deprived. I get kinda loopy!

P: Ok. Fine. Now look. We are here for one purpose only right now. Do you know what that is?

A: Something to do with ice cream sundaes? I remember talking about that at one point…

P: No!!!

A: …And really muscular guys… You following?

P: Does it have to do with the show?

A: What show?

P: THEN I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!!!!!!

A: You don't want to hear about the show? I'm sure it was a great show, whatever it wa-

P: DIE!!!!!!! (Pikachu lunges for Ashes' throat, his claws flashing in the light)

A: HOLY-!

(Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep….)

A: Hello, friends! I'm Ash Ketchum!

P: And I'm Pika_chu_!

A: we are here today to explain a little bit about our secret, backstage lives!

P: That's right! Tell 'em Ash!

A: Well, I- *snores*

P: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuruh… K! So Ash is a pervert… I think he would steal all the bras of the non-Misty female characters. And then he would dance around with them… as if they were people or something… at night… in his trailer… And also he would… recite… Nazi colloquialisms… in his sleep… in German…

A: *snore!!!!!!!* Pikachu… don't tap dance! He's right behind you…

P: *looks behind himself* Anyway, as I was saying… He also has a tattoo of President… Nixon… naked… on his butt… I think… It might be Queen Elizabeth… it's hard to distinguish with the poor penmanship…

A: Have you heard the one about…

P: No, I don't believe I have.

A: snores…. (a muffled cry is heard in the distance)

P: Um, I'm gonna go check out that muffled cry. See ya!

(After Pikachu discovers the real Ash who was held captive by his nefarious alter ego, the interview continues.)

P: Welcome to the interview, real Ash!

A: What are you talking about? Why do you keep calling me "real Ash"? Of course I'm the real Ash, what are you talking about?!

P: Anyway, now the time has come to speak about your assorted gym battles. Go ahead.

A: Ummm… you untied me so I could tell you about battles you were part of? I'm questioning your validity of being Pikachu… Where's that narrator who would be helping us move things along right about now?

P: Yeah, the fake you got rid of that guy.

A: Fake me?! Oh, Pikachu you can talk!

P: …

A: Pikachu?

P: Pika! As I was saying, GYM BATTLES!!!

A: Maybe you should get the "fake Ash" back in here; I don't really know what's going on.

P: We're doing an interview. And you must stay. And you must tell of the gym battles!!!

A: Okay, but first, who am I talking to, and who's the interviewer, and is this going into the paper or what?

P: Why do you need to know all that?

A: Well it's kind of awkward talking to thin air. I just wanted to know that there's a greater purpose?...

P: It's being recorded.

A: Okay! So, gym battles… gym battles… Those are fun! They test your endurance and strengthen the skills of your friendly Pokémon. It's cool. I wanna sit down.

P: You're sitting down.

A: Um, no?... I mean like, on a chair… Please.

P: Um, that's what you're doing!

A: Oh! I'm slightly disoriented after that most atrocious experience, being tied to a pole for five days with no food, and little water…

P: You've been to the hospital! I had to wait three days, man!

A: Then why didn't you explain everything to me then?

P: Hey, is somebody home?

A: Excuse me?

P: What? Oh. I did? Remember?

A: Unfortunately, some. About… five Jenny's or something? And… President Nixon?

P: Yeah, forget the part about Nixon… But didn't you go out with five Jenny's?

A: No, but I think Richie may have… he was a pervert, pardon my language.

P: No, English is okay, but *gasp!* Richie a pervert?!

A: Yeah, I never really liked him, I'm afraid. He was a very risky person…

P: Risky? What do you mean? Did he hang off cliffs?!

A: Of course not, Pikachu! He was from Vegas, you know…

P: VEGAS?! What's that?

A: A very bad, yet fun, place. Not a good influence, obviously…

P: I'm doing smilies! =8  8-) lol!

A: Pikachu, that's very immature… here's a good one: *-( hee, hee.

P: Wow, we are _so _ off-topic right now!

A: So, Richie; (you called?) whatever happened to him? Last time I saw him, he was trying to make money by doing magic tricks. And then I did it better than him and he got mad and ran away. That was just one week ago.

P: How sad.

A: Yes, I would most accurately call him a sad and strange little man.

P: Then let's not talk about him. How did you get along with "Professor Oak"?

A: Um… He's old… so I never felt like I could really relate to him and his boastful self. Why? How did YOU get along with him?

P: He had cold hands… moving on! What ever happened to that Trixie guy?

A: You mean Traqyc?

P: Um… maybe not.

A: Oh, no, I mean "Did you mean Tracy?"

P: Yeah yeah yeah. That guy.

A: He went on to draw pin ups and such of scantily clad Pokémon. like… Articuno… and… Miltank…

P: E-you! And I always thought he was gay!

A: Well, he did get a sex change… And I think the Pokémon were all guys…

P: Wow……….. anyway………er…….what should we talk about now?

A: How about our love lifes?

P: Our love lifes? Not lives? And didn't I already tell you about me?

A: No.. you told the "fake Ash". I guess…

P: Oh, yeah… Well you should go first anyway though…

A: My hands hurt…

P: Then I shall relieve you!

A: What?

P: Thundreshock!

A: Um, ow.

P: Teehee!

A: Hey, you can't type for me!

P: Of what dost thou speak?

A: Aaaaaaaaah! Pikachu's Shakespeare! Really.

P: Shut up! Now speak!

A: You're a very confusing Pokémon to work with! Do you get out much?

P: Hey, I thought you were the _real_ Ash!

A: I am! …Buttface… No I didn't say that, really.

P: AAAAAANYWHOSITS!

A: Hey, you stole that thing that I say! That was me interrupting. Pardon my impertinenties.

P: WHO ARE YOU GOING WITH RIGHT NOW?!

A: You mean like uh… uh… um… uh… giggles… uh…… No, that last "uh…" was like "uuuh……." giggles… snorted, I did! chuckles merrily now Pikachu can talk!

P: Right, so Ash married Misty and all the fan-girls cheer! Hooray!

A: giggles… What?! No-ho-ho! giggles oh, wow… giggles Wait, I said that? Did I just say "oh, wow"? I don't remember saying that. So, back on track, I don't currently have a fiancée, if that is what you are inquiring.

P: Yeah, I was afraid of that… listen, you're not… are you?

A: What are you gonna say?

P: Nothing!

A: You seem a bit defensive… Do you- wait… are you implying that I might be homosexuolololol?

P: No.

A: Good, cause if you did I would prance about like a girly-man and smack you smartly across the cheek! No wait, don't write that. So who are _you_ going with right now? That pretty young thang in trailer 418? No, Eightaing.

P: No, I already… um…

A: Who was that, anyway?

P: Munchlax.

A: Wah, it got dark really fast.

P: I'm with Pachirisu already!

A: Look at all the beautiful stars!

P: Great, yeah…

A: Pachirisu is a good decision for ya there, boy! Ya. There. Boy. giggles

P: Glad you approve, Father.

A: giggles madly. That's not a giggle, yo! Fool! giggles That is like a hearty laugh! Father!? Reproachful. Did I say that? Like… no, nonono, that's not a question. Just change it to a period!

P: Moving on! What's your favorite food?

A: Why did you call me father?

P: I was being sarcastical.

A: Oh, so now I'm _not_ your dad? I guess I'm too _good_ to be your _dad_, _huh_?

P: Favorite food!

A: (Struggling) Avocado!

P: You're weird.

A: Struggling avocado! giggles ow!

P: Are you okay?

A: I'm not giggling! Giggles are like heeheeheeheehee, laughing's like hahahahahaha! See, that's a laugh.

P: I like strawberries and pizza.

A: laughs

P: You need to take a chill pill!

A: I said I was fine!

P: Right… so…

A: I actually don't like avocados. Especially the struggling ones, they're hard to get down. I like cupcakes. And manly meat, covered in manly tobacco sauce.

P: You're delirious.

A: Sorry. Where'd Misty go? Wasn't she here… at all… ever?

P: I could ring her, if you want.

A: Ring her!? How cruel of you! We do not need that kind of violence in this production! If you want to ring something, wring out the towels! They've been hanging up there for weeks, and they're still wet! Maybe because it was raining… oh come on Pikachu, I'm not delirious I'm just trying to have fun. What? You want me to be all dramatic and sad and talk about how I was tied to a post for five days with little food and no water, I mean, no food and little water?

P: Sure.

A: Well, to start..

P: Ah, I broke my pants.

A: Excwees me?

P: giggles

A: Now, I think Pikachu's gone a bit whacko! Is it my fault?

P: Probably…

A: No, I say to you! This is the result of corrupt television!

P: Whatever, I'm gonna go call Misty in here…. Hey, Misty!…. Get in Here!

M: Just a minute!

A: Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear! Pikachu! Hide me!

P: What? Is little Ashywashy scared of Mistywisty?

A: No, little Ashywashy just wants Mistywisty to think that Ashywashy doesn't exist any morestyworsty!

P: Wow, you're good at baby talk!

A: Why thank you!

M: Hey, have you seen my bathing jumpsuit?

P: Yeah, it's in Ash's trailer…

A: How dare you invite her into my private abode!

M: Is Ash over there?!

A: NO!

M: Oh. OK.

P: There she goes! Into your trailer, Ashywashy!

A: Sometimes I hate you.

P: You know, an aluminum tee-ball bat and a stake… are very similar.

M: I don't like you!

A: What's Misty doing?

P: Waszit look like?

A: Like she just went into Richie's trailer and shouted "I don't like you!" Weird.

P: *Gasp! So the fake Ash was…. (Flashback, _"She's all "I don't like you, I don't like you, I don't like you," so annoying.", "SHUT UP!", "Marijuana.", "… feed you to a Torchic", "I've gone out with five Jenny's and three Joy's"_ _3 Joy's, 3 Joy's)_ Richie! That sick maniac! I'll find him…

A: Is he hiding, too? Wow, Misty must scare everyone!

P: Oh, you silly boy. Richie's the fiend! He must be stopped by the law!

A: What'd he do?

M: Hi Ash.

A: DOH!

M: Well, my bathing apparatus was not to be found in yon trailer! *gasp!* It is off towards the new frontier, that land of subtle beauty, to reclaim the wetsuit which is rightfully mine! I shall pay in full ransom! Off to the mall!

A: How dramatic…

P: Indeed!

A: So………………………………..what were talkin' 'bout?

P: We's talkin's about Burger King, fool!

A: Who's a fool? You's a fool!

P: Oh, snap! But seriously, Does McDonald's sell Pokémon toys? No, only Burger King.

A: We's gots toyses?!

P: Okay, don't talk like that.

A: Oh, so I can talk the babies' talkin's, but I can't lay down the Gangsta?!

P: Yeah, that's about it.

A: Okeydokey, Pikawika!

P: Choooooo… Anyway. I think-Is that Brock? I think Brock's coming over here. Look at 'im.

A: Hey, Rockman! How's it swanging?

B: Ash… Don't…

A: Aww… Disappointed!

P: Aw! NNnh! So Brock, how do you feel about Pokémon: The Animated Series?

B: It's tacky and I hate you.

P: Awwwwwwwww…….

A: I'm gonna pee! Oh, my goodness! Laughs

P: SHUT UP!

B: But seriously Pikachu, it's been great fun, what with all the pretty girls/Pokémon characters. I enjoy the pretty ones.

P: Yeah, we know.

A: No you don't! Remember, you were always like, asking Richie for help in the girl depot… ment.

B: Yeah, that was then, this is not… so, Pikachu, Pachirisu eh? A fine choice, if I do say so willingly!

P: Thank you Brock. Now Ash, why don't you tell Brock how you _really_ feel about him.

A: You're tacky and I hate you!*laughs!!!! wipes tear from eye*

P: Was that supposed to be funny?

A: No. *stares at Brock* It was supposed to be a threat.

B: Oh, Ash. You don't wanna kill me! I'm your pal. I'm Brock! Lord of Rocks… and Women.

A: You impostre!

P: 'Hey, hey hey,' says Pikachu! Let's not be incredibly childish!

A: But, Mooooooooom!

P: 'Now, now, now!" says Pikachu, 'Don't go calling me names that ain't fit for no king!'

B: I love you too, Pikachu.

A: Liar! *lunges for throat! A rumble!*

Narrator: _We will now take this time to give you, our viewers, a commercial break! Will Ash and or Brock get out of this with their lives?!_

P: Hey, when did the narrator get back?

*Break-music noises*

A: Aw, man! What an awesome battle, eh, Brock?!

B: Hey, Ash! I liked the part… when you stopped moving.

A: Yeah, I didn't like that one so much…

P: OK, let's get back on track. Brock. Tell us your entire life story right now go.

A: Yay! I'm going to get a drink and you guys have fun with that! Woohoo! Pizza pizza time TIME! pizza pizza time TIME! (Fades out)

B: That was interesting. So. I was born a small black child. And I got into acting… in high school…. AAAH! And then… I wore a vest, in college. And then… AAH! It hurts! I auditioned for the Pokémon show, and it didn't kill me and I liked it the end.

P: Wow. That was great Brock. Very enlightening.

B: Ok, Pikachu. Time to- AH! It pinches! Augahaghaaaaah! (Runs off screaming)

A: (runs on screaming) Aughuahaguaaah! Did you see Brock? He was a flurry of feather arms and the waving and screaming and AUAGH!

P: Great Ash. Great. that's great. really great.

A: So what you do to freak him out so bad?

P: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh… (laughs) My intestines. (chuckle)

A: Hey, you owe me two twent buckaroos.

P: No! Ash… No.

A: Yes, Ash…. What? Hey the pizzas not a free.

P: Is it a fun or a tool?

A: A not as cheap as free fun. It is.

P: Fine, here's the money.

A: Wow, you're generous for a pocket pincher!

P: Why, thank you kindly, mister.

A: Aren't you gonna correct me?

P: Why?

A: I called you a pocket pincher, when it's really pocket… monster, you know?

P: Here's an idea… why don't we ask your "Mom" some questions?

A: Oh, okay… whatever, I was just reading what you were typing so it doesn't matter. It's all gonna go down the drain, eventually…

P: Oh Ash's Mom!

M: Uh-huh? What is it, my deary-wearies?

A: Hey Mom can do the baby talk too!

M: Oh Ashy-washy, Peeky-weeky, let's have a party, now.

A: Ash's mom is a little crazy. I think it's because of all the time she spends talking to Mr. Mime.

P: Ash's mom; could you please tell us a little bit about your involvement with the show.

M: I am the director.

P: Well, it is true, that I as Pikachu am the straight man, but that doesn't mean we need the ramblings of a half-asleep five year old for everyone else's dialogue.

A: Good point, ole chap!

M: Excuse me, Pikachu, but I was speaking. Achem… So, I am the director.

A: Um… no? Since when?

P: Don't you remember, Ash? I mean, Scot? Whatever?

A: Apparently, not. Enlighten me, oh unenlightened one?

P: Actually I think it's your mom's turn for that.

A: And I was speaking to her!

M: Bad Ash! Don't speak to your mother that way! shame!

A: Ok.

P: she'snotyourrealmother!

A: Actually, she is. I had Mr. Satoshi cast her 'cause being a ten-year-old boy, I wasn't really comfortable having some strange lady tell me to wear clean underwear all the time.

P: A likely story…

M: Yes, I almost half-believed it myself!

A: Mom!

P: Hey ms. Ketchum!

M: Yes, my darling little Pikachu?

P: Can you say up yours again?

M: Oh, heavens no.

P: Sorry.

A: Hey, Mom? Can we interv-

M: Up yours, son!

P: **laughing**

A: Mom… that hurt.

M: Well it should! If the slapping won't get to you!

A: Mom! We're being recorded!

M: Oh! I mean, what a lovely little boy you are! (Ash mumbles, "Yeah, whatever…")

P: He's twenty-three years old.

A: Ten. If I were twenty-three how old would you be, Pikabutt?

P: Oh real mature there, Scot.

A: Hey! I'm retired and still live with my abusive mom! So just leave me alone! (runs into trailer)

M: Oh, dear. Well! The cat's out of the bag now! Time for my whiskey!

P: Whiskey? Can I have some?

(Break)

P: Well, we're back! and… Ash has stopped crying… I think.

A: Wah.

P: oh, there there, ole buddy! It'll be ok! You'll see…

A: You broke bread with my mother! It'll never be ok! And did you have to go so far as to share her WHISKEY?! For shame…

P: hahaha, Dude it was a joke! There was no whiskey…

A: Oh. And that wasn't my mom… was it?

P:Haha… Nooo….

A: Ok, then was it "your mother"?

P: Whaddya mean, Scott?

A: Your mother! Your mother! The evil Your Mother!

P: Oh, from Space Ghost. No, it wasn't her.

A: We can't say the name.

P: Yes, we can. Why not?

A: It's copyrighted. D'OH.

P: Psh, we're cartoons, since when do we respect copyrights?

A: Since the dawn of time, eh.

P: pulling my leg with that one are you? I need a circle nine! There are no circle nines to be found! And a circle five.

A: You're insane, Pikachu. The show's made everyone insane, I understand how you feel. Maybe we should all go to the nuthouse and make life easier for the rest of the world.

P: That doesn't sound like fun!

A: Pachirisu will be there!

P: She's supposed to be asleep in my trailer right now…

A: That's all I needed to know. And scene!


End file.
